Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Dear 16 year old me,
I came across your journal you had received for your 16th birthday, and the memories that were captured within those pages came rushing back to my mind as I opened the very first page. I have to admit that reading through the first few entries of that book made me laugh, because what you saw as such HUGE issues in your life weren't really anything more than just a small wave in the ocean of your life. And though I laughed at some of the comments you made, and I thank you for your honesty, my heart hurt for the missing nuggets of precious truth of what life was truly about. So in the coming days/weeks/months/years (you know how long-winded I can get), I am going to respond to the things that you recorded during those years and speak the truth of what was really going on in life. Just know that the words I record on these pages are not meant for judgment or shame, but instead for a way to encourage you to see life from the perspective of the 33-year old woman that you have become. How it affects you is not up to me, but rather up to how you choose to absorb them and embrace the wisdom I have learned through the years.
Your initial journal entry was one that showed the struggle that you faced through many pages of that journal, and I wanted to tell you that being skinny is NOT the goal of life. Being skinny isn't even the goal of high school. although at the time you would have struggled to believe that. This idea of being skinny has been the bane of your adulthood years, but just being a certain size, shape or weight doesn't mean that you have the ideal life. Take it from me, you can be the thinnest you've ever been in your life and still have the entire world fall on your shoulders. You can have the scale tell you a number that you haven't seen since before you started middle school, but your heart can be even more shattered than it has ever been.
1 Samuel 16:7 speaks of the moment when Samuel went to choose David to be king over Israel. Samuel had this image in his mind of what the next king should look like, but God said that He doesn't consider the outward appearances but what's in the heart. People through your entire high school career spoke that truth into your life, and yet you never received that as truth from God's heart. You didn't really believe that you deserved to be called beautiful because you didn't fit that specific outfit or have the thinnest waist. But your heart loved people, your heart STILL loves people. You want to make the most of every situation, you long to see those you love have the greatest experience of love from you. God saw, and still sees, your heart through every circumstance and He has it all in His hands.
Regardless of what you do with this nugget of wisdom from an oldie (I know you think I'm old, so there), embrace this truth: God has surrounded you with people who see the beauty of your heart and of your soul. He has given wisdom to those people in your life that see beyond the world's wisdom, and has given them the sight to see your heart as His child's heart. Don't blow off the love He's given to you through the people He's placed in your life. Don't focus on what you see, or how you see yourself. Ask God to allow you the wisdom and the ability to see you as He sees you, and when you do things will begin to change:) And how you see yourself in the mirror will no longer be dominated by what you see in the physical mirror, but what you see through the mirror of God's word.
I love you, and I want you to know that your life isn't consumed for bad things. God has a beautiful purpose for every situation. And your life is a beautiful message of redemption and of hope. Just keep holding on to God, and seek Him like you've never sought Him before.
Love you little girl!!!! See you in 18 years:)
Darcy
